By Debbie Selsavage

There is still so much we do not know about what is happening in the minds of persons living with dementia.  Why do they sometimes get so far afield from reality?

As the people presumably in touch with reality, we see their thinking as flawed, fictional, and delusional.  We are troubled when they believe things that are just not real or never happened.  I would suggest that in order to be a good caregiver, this is a point of view we must step away from.

One thing we do know is that short term memory is the first to degrade with the onset of dementia.  Then the loss of memory often moves backward until they lose recollection of huge segments of their life.

But we see remarkable exceptions to this rule.  Sometimes, people with dementia retain vivid memories of earlier times.  Their current reality becomes a version of an earlier time in their life.

When this happens, it should be considered a blessing and a useful tool for better care; not a troubling delusion.  This is an opportunity to better bond by meeting them in their reality.

Even for those of us of sound mind, nostalgia is often not accurate to the way things really were.  We filter out the bad and focus on the things we enjoyed about the past and create our own “Good Old Days.”  I wonder how different this is from a person living with dementia.

By accepting rather than discounting “dementia reality,” a new practice called Nostalgia Therapy has emerged.  Memory Care facilities are beginning to decorate their rooms with artifacts from the era when their residents were young.   I know of one that had a 1956 Chevy in its building!

We are seeing new senior day care facilities that look like a 1950s town, complete with diner, movie theater (that shows old films), and old-style hardware or drug stores.  Seniors, with and without dementia, enjoy this environment.

Nostalgia Therapy works, and I think it can lead us to even greater understanding and acceptance of what is going on in the mind of a loved one living with dementia.

So, the next time a person with dementia tells you something you know to be entirely untrue; don’t argue, just listen.  Don’t refute their ideas; explore them.  And when your mother mistakes you for her long-gone sister, don’t get your ego in a twist.  Rather, smile and consider the idea that maybe she has recognized you as someone in her life that she dearly loved and is happy to see again.


Debbie Selsavage was introduced to dementia when she became a caregiver for her husband. Like many in her situation, she found it almost impossible to find information, support, and the resources to deal with her difficult and exhausting task. She believed there has to be a better way.  www.Coping.today

CAREGIVERS YOU ARE NOT ALONE